Whoosh

So. Okay. This is the internet and this site is tied to my identity so this is the best place to be making this confession. 

Last night I had another, “Get yourself to the ER or I’ll be calling rescue to bring you there,” night. 

Outside of a coworker, a friend, and Big I didn’t tell anyone (until now). I started any number of messages. To friends, my sponsor, other coworkers/friends, but the minute I started tapping I backed up and closed out of the message. 

The issue is that the people I would tell are people who fight mental health issues of their own. I hate seeing myself as a trigger. I don’t want to be someone hurting these people I love so much. Heck, that’s a large contributing factor to why I’m still here.

I just…I hate triggers. Whether word or songs that trigger me or my behaviors that trigger others.

:wails: I want a lobotomy.

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