Okay. So. My hospital sojourns of the past 18 months have led to a couple different group therapy things in addition to Talking Head and Med Head Shrinks. One of them is DBT – Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Today I had a Talking Head Shrink appointment as is a requirement of DBT. My side of things was a lot of kvetching about current events and this, that, the other.
When I finally wound down he talked about things that are similar to where I’ve been and gone in my AA Program. Like the difference between a Dry Drunk and an Alcoholic I’m not going to feel more stable without trying to be stable. Without doing things. Without working through my baggage.
That mirror f**king sucks. As I’ve said elsewhere (and don’t have the wherewithal to track down) I hate the mirror that shows my faults back to me plainly. I do pretty well mentally assaulting myself for things that I’ve done wrong/am doing wrong/think I’m doing wrong. Most typically the think I’m doing wrong. I just can’t sit back thinking, “I’m a horrible person. I’m broken. Etc., etc.”
I have to try and do something to not feel horrible, broken, etc.
I hate that. I’ve not even started yet and I hate it.
my inner journeys 
Your are not a horrible person and all of us are broken one way or another but life is always work love you 8-{D
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Hearing (reading) I’m not broken every damn day doesn’t make me believe it.
Love you, too.
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My experience has been that I do a little as possible and want people to think otherwise. I’ve learned to ask my higher power to break me of my will. This is not a fun process, however through it I rely on my higher power through the people in my life which humbles me. We trudge the happy road to destiny, which I’ve come to understand requires effort on my part. My sobriety is proportional to my effort in my experience. We is the key
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